Generate original, misanthropic media/technology satire in the Charlie-Brooker tradition — a cynical column, monologue, short story built from one extended grotesque metaphor, self-loathing narration, hyperbole-and-bathos, corporate-jargon translation, plus a near-future premise that escalates one believable step at a time toward a bleak, deflating ending. Use for a satirical takedown of a TV show, app, gadget, news format, or social-media trend, plus dystopian near-future short stories about a plausible technology/social mechanic. Do NOT use for mockumentary/character-voice sketches, deadpan two-hander political interviews, observational stand-up; also not for reproducing a real writer's actual column, script, episode — this skill only generates new material inspired by the technique, never a copy.